Even Deadpool is sad!
The IIMs have always prided themselves on being the best institutes in the country and if reports are to be believed, the process is going to get even tougher in the coming year.
As most aspirants are aware of, entry into the IIMs consists of clearing probably the most difficult test in the country and then going through a personal interview and essay round. While there have been a few seriously good candidates that go through this process, there have been a few who manage to slip through owing to the kindness of the panelists and sometimes even because of their heart-wrenching honesty and unique love stories/relationship status.
According to a certain Professor SK, who did not wish to reveal his identity, this is the right time to take serious steps and remove the heart out of the process and replace it with muscle. He had a few interesting things to say about these turn of events, “A student comes to an IIM with the dream of working for a big multinational in the capacity of someone who will make decisions and create value for the organization. However, soon they realize that there has been something wrong all the while and all they would end up doing is shouting at people and scratching their grey haired scalp while writing some obscure numbers on the white board, mumbling to themselves: Oh! %$#&. While few sportingly take this in their stride and do it with utmost sincerity, many get disillusioned with the entire process and start looking for offices close to their home where they would be umm… making decisions and creating value for the organization.
“Also, add the fact that almost all the candidates we get talk about climbing a ladder or being on the top of the pyramid. This is followed by convincing claims of being good at multitasking. While previously we could easily spot the difference between a good and a bad candidate, with students getting awesome feedback from brilliant GDPI coaches, the line is thinning. In fact, the line is a dot to us!
To make sure that only the best candidates get through, the IIMs would be having a slightly different process. Professor Dabbawala elaborated on this, “We don’t want people who are simply good at Bak%$@#! at our institutes; our guest lecturers are good enough to take care of this. Ahem! We want doers who will go and execute the big plans that they dream of.”
Naturally, we asked as to how it would be possible to check that quality in a 20 minute interview. The answer would probably leave all of you ‘stunned’: “The interview would not happen at an institute but at a custom built studio set. There will be slippery ladders for those who want to climb them, a unicycle and juggling balls to test for multitaskers, lie detectors to check for honesty, tread mills to check for hard work, and most importantly, a ‘Raghu’ to check for the ability to handle B-school stress!”
“We haven’t seen a single alumnus achieving the fame that Rannvijay, Ayushmaan, and Bani garnered. Even Ashutosh who pretty much did nothing ended up getting a one crore ‘package’ from Bigg Boss. This system has to change if we are to become popular. We might not have ponytails but we certainly don’t mind going the bald err… bold way.
Raghuram (not to be confused with Raghuram who is an alumnus of IIM Ahmedabad) basked in the glory of being the pioneer of something that would change the management education scenario in this country: “Stress interviews are something that are close to my heart. I believe students started talking about stress interviews after the first season of Roadies was out and it had something to do with the fact that mine was a stress interview too; for the interviewer. Ha!”
Meanwhile, students are not sure as to how to react to this piece of information. But almost all of them (around 90%) had this thing to say: “This process is biased against the engineers and males. Engineers are the best. Even if you put a patient in the interview room and ask us to perform a brain surgery, we will do it!”
The coaching institutes are probably the most excited stakeholders after this bit of news. Career Helping Experts and Aptitude Trainers have started a special batch that will have experienced trainers who will help build leg strength for climbing ladders. They promise that one will get an exposure to climbing 10,000 ladders over 10 days of intensive training. However, we could only see one broken ladder at their Jhumri Talaiya Branch.
To add to the glamour quotient of this article, we got in touch with Mr. Kohli and asked if his aggression would help him get a management degree from one of the premier institutes. While we could not understand most of what he said (probably because he was running a bit too fast for our comfort), we think he was interested in a couple of IIMs at least as he said, “IIM B, C!”
PS: No animals, birds, fish, amphibians and brain cells were harmed during the making of this article.
PPS: Get down from that ladder, will you? None of this is true anyway!
PPPS: And while we are at it, here goes the mandatory advertisement.
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